when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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