Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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