you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
