Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
