They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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