I want to make a zoo with you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
