Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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