I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
