My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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