2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
