My nipple is on Facebook.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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