did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My balls are so social today.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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