I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
