Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
