ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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