Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
