i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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