News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your penis caused this!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
