there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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