I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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