guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
