____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
