I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
3pm strippers are depressing
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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