I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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