TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
