why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
