Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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