i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Enjoy the penises
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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