No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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