Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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