I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
