I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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