Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
