I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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