I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
