Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
