dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
