im six kinds of drunk right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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