when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
