Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
