So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
