I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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