Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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