end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
