I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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