paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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