he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
