based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
