then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm too high and old for this...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
