I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
