This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
