I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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