I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
