you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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I'm so proud of us for not dying.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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