he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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