I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
