drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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