I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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