Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
