This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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