Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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