I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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