Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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