i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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