Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
