the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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