Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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