Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
