She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I need water and some morals
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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