mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
