Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
