Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
