Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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