He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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