hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
