4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
