Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
