We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
